Response to Twitter

Dear Twitter, I hate you. You suck. Mostly because I can't text worth crap. However you do currently have Jason Mraz and his joyologist as well as the Goo Goo Dolls using your site. I guess you're not a total loss.

The joyologist chick on Jason Mraz's Twitter is interesting. She writes quotes and affirmations to help you look at your life and become a better person by engaging in the world, peace, and tranquility. Peronsally, I think her stuff is a little too hippietastic for me. I mean, it's good to think about your life and have an open-mind, but just don't let your brain fall out.

Here's what I'm talking about. Here's a quote from the joyologist from Jason Mraz's Twitter:

"affirmation otd..I am gentle, kind, and comforting to my inner child as we uncover and release the old negative messages within us."
9:03 PM May 6th from web

Yah . . . that's not a little out there . . . I feel one with myself now.
People are funny. They strive so hard to find peace in themselves and being open to everything they end up losing touch with reality - which I think might be their ultimate goal. Life sucks for everybody and we all need an escape. If music realeases you, embrace it. If sports give you peace of mind, embrace it. If sitting on a yoga mat chanting with the spirit of the world works for you, embrace it. However don't be so hard pressed to force your version of escape on others. We all find our own distractions. And don't assume your way is right, because in the end it just serves the same puropse as everyone else's -only in your own specialized way.
I have issues with the method used by the joyologist. The overly idyllic non-sensical approach does not appeal to my rather rational way of thinking. It just seems fake and over the top. Like you're suppose to forget the world and embrace some essence you can't see. I'm sure the yogis would either be displeased with me, or they would just say live and let live -as they tend to do. Anyways . . .

The joyologist also lists thought of the day and I thought I'd share and contemplate some, just because I'm bored.

"? Of the day. what are you worried about?"
8:15 PM May 8th from txt on Jason Mraz's Twitter

What am I worried about?
How about the immediate: that paper I have to write that's 4000 words and due in two weeks as well as the books I have to read for it, cleaning my room (always a concern), trying to find a job for the summer, . . .
And the not-so-immediate: classes that start this Fall, this next year, graduating from college and finding a job, later getting a job I actually want in this economy of crap, getting an apartment, figuring out what to do with my life, not dying, enjoying life without trying to escape it, . . . death in general.
Well I feel better now. Look at that. All my concerns are listed. Wow. It's not like they aren't still spinning in my head at a rate of 342,532 MPH.

Here's another one:

"DR qotd. learn politeness from impolite people. affirmation. All of my relationships are enveloped in a circle of love."
12:53 AM May 9th from web from Jason Mraz Twitter

I like the impoliteness from impolite people one. I'll try that. However that whle thing about relationships . . . yah, mine aren't encircled with love. More like enveloped in a rectangle of suspicion, mixed with a little tension, and seasoned with a little apprehension.

"?of the day @cafegratitude. Where are you being inflexible? Where is love expanding in your life?"
5:21 PM May 9th from web from Jason Mraz Twitter

I am inflexible when it comes to doing yoga. Litterally. I could hurt myself. As for the expansion of love, . . . I have a growing fondness for Adam Lambert. Consequently I also have a growing loathing for American Idol finale shows.

"?td@cafegratitude where in your life are you playing small? What inspires you?"
11:11 AM May 13th from txt from Jason Mraz Twitter

Playing small? I guess my artwork. I haven't worked on it in over a year. And I'm kind of majoring in art so . . . I could work on that. I'm taking 3 new art courses next fall and I plan on drawing and crafting over th summer. As for what inspires me, in art that would be nature as well as paintings done by artists of yore. I love you Botticelli!!! (I have a growing fondness for him . . . and Titan). And on the everyday, John Rzeznik is a pretty inspiring guy. Just looking at all the things he has overcome in his life and the attitude he has about sharing his music with the world is amazing. He's very honest and down-to-earth and says if you like my stuff great, if not that's fine. I'm just going to keep doing what I think is right.

"?otd @cafegratitude. Where are you being that is "better over there"?"
8:25 PM May 14th from web from Jason Mraz Twitter

You know, I'm starting to notice a pattern with the whole cafegratitide thing. Is the joyologist coming up with these questions or is she just borrowing them from cafe gratitude without intent to give them back? Anyways, "Where am I being that is better over there?" I think someone took too big a puff on their "herbs of a magical nature". I think she might mean "Where are you looking that seems better over there?" You know, like where are you envying other things? Or maybe she meant "Where do you think you would be better that is not where you currently are (either physically or metaphysically)?" I think I need an interpreter.

"?otd @cafegratitude. what challenges you the most? when do you feel the most at ease?"
7:55 PM May 15th from txt from Jason Mraz Twitter

What challenges me most? : The things that I am worried about that I listed earlier (Who knew those would come in handy? Saved on typing)definitely challenge me. Also public speaking. Cause I suck at it. And texting. Texting is a constant challenge, bt if I want to talk with my sister it's the only form communication she understands these days. She is fluent in text. Yah, she should get a Twitter.
When do I feel the most at ease? When I'm in my bed at night relaxing and listening to music. Also when I am out with friends or hanging out in the sun next to some trees.

"?otd. where is complaining causing you suffering? what do you love about your life?"
7:45 AM May 17th from txt from Jason Mraz Twitter

Well I've been complaining about the nature of these posted questions and the fact that they lead to nowhere land, but it hasn't caused me suffering. I do however suffer over the fact that this blog program lacks spell check. Oh wait, no, there it is. Few, one less thing to suffer over/complain about.
What do I love about my life. I love the fact that it's mind I have the potential to do whatever I want with it. I plan on living so that I am content with whatever it is I choose to do regardless of what others say about it as well as living in a way that somehow gives back to people and the environment. That's right. I'm 67% Modern Hippie Ecologist. It's a side effect of prolonged exposure to California.

"? of the day @cafegratitude. Where are you judging yourself? How are you serving the planet today?"
6:49 PM May 18th from web from Jason Mraz Twitter

God this is the longest blog ever. Anyways, I judge whether or not I have the self-confidence to achieve my goals. As for the planet, I recycled a bottle yesterday. Rejoice! Otherwise not doing much for the planet at the moment. Stealing it's oxygen I guess. But don't worry, I give it back some carbon dioxide. At least that's what Wikipedia just told me after I consulted with it over the process of respiration.

"? of the day. @cafegratitude. What are you waiting for? What can you give thanks for today?"
12:09 PM May 19th from web Jason Mraz Twitter

I am waiting for tomorrow so i can actually get some things accomplished. Today is a lazy day. I am procrastinating (my favorite past time). So tomorrow I have to work on some of those things on the "list of worry". Mostly the 4000 word essay.
What can I give thanks for today? Well I haven't seriously injured myself on accident today, so that's always nice. I am thankful to be typing on this computer that was given to me as a gift on for my high school graduation three years ago. Em, my sister, got one last night when she graduated high school. Wooot! Now I'm thankful she's around and I don't have to worry about her as much.

"? of the day. Where are you not being responsible for your own experience? Ehat would you like to be acknowledged for?"
3:52 PM May 20th from web Jason Mraz Twitter

I'm responsible for my own experience. i may neglect it from time to time, but I make sure I enjoy my life. I'm certainly not complaining about it.
I would like to be acknowledged at some point for my artwork. But on a smaller scale, I think I and everyone would like to be acknowledged for the little things we do for others on a daily basis but never get recognized for. I unloaded the dishwasher today, as I do whenever it's full. No one noticed. I don't NEED the acknowledgement, but I also don't like when people take other people for granted.

"? Of the day. what challenge can you now give thanks for.? when do you feel the most blissful?"
about 18 hours ago from txt from Jason Mraz Twitter

What challenge can I give thanks for? Ummm . . . I have crappy eye sight, does that count? I'm grateful for my crappy eye sight, because I have always had a different view of the world and I am more prone to pay attention to details and colors and things most people don't notice. I appreciate the things I'm able to see and don't take them for granted.
I am most blissful when I'm around friends, having fun and laughing. Also when I achieve some of my goals, I get happy.

Well that was the last one. Funnn . . . I feel like a new person, ready to go out and be one with the universe, embracing all forms of life as my own, and talking to my inner child about avoiding drugs, peer pressure, and texting.

Thank you Twitter.

Oh Crappy Day . . .

Well today was craptastic. You know it's not gonna be a good blog when it starts out "You know today was craptastic". I started out my day watching the last of American Idol 2009 finale. I, like most other people DVRing that show, felt confident that Adam Lambert would win. Then I watched the video. Kris won. NEVER a good way to start out the day seeing the truely better contestant you were rooting for loose to a Jason Mraz/John Mayer clone from Arkansas. Damn it! Then I had a test in Art History. 3 questions on 3 paintings that lasted an hour and 30 minutes. My brain . . . Then got in my car and went home to get the paperwork I forgot for the Smog check I needed to get later that day. Then got the Smog check. At this point it was 3 P.M. and the last thing I had eaten was some oatmeal at 9:30 A.M. I have low blood sugar. So then I went to get the key to my car copied so I would have a spare. I got it and then almost passed out because I all I had to eat at that point was a chocolate snack bar and a bottle of pink lemonade at 4:00 P.M. Then I made it home. On the plus side I got to see Jason Mraz perform at the finale and I am now in 2nd place on Mike's Bikes, which means I have a good chance at getting an A- in my business class. Which is good considering the fact I got a 72 on my last test. Ouch. I did not study. Should have. Will next time. Fret not. Tommorrow is busy, but my sister graduates high school and I am happy for her. I remember my grad night. Very surreal. I hope she has he same experience.

(By the way, I've been working on Illustrator lately. Here's one of my images of shmee).

Update on Recent Events

O.K. so first off Jason Mraz is going to be on the American Idol finale! Rejoice! Had to be said.

More importantly, I'm currently talking to Emily via cellphone. We were texting earlier, but it has stopped now - thank gosh. Em texts at the speed of light and I text at the speed of slow. Now we're talking normally and I can keep up.

Emily says what happend at Disneyland was: Em was hanging out with Chelsie and Mark ended up joining them at some point. Then Chelsie left with her friend and Em was stuck with Mark. Em says Mark was annoying and she eventually ditched him to hangout with Chelsie. Then when Chelsie got hom she told her mom that Em ditched her to hangout with Mark the whole time. Then Chelsie's mom talked to my mom and she overreacted and jumped to conclusions. Then she emailed me about it.

DRAMA! Honestly, life is too short of this crap.
Now I have 2 new emails from mom about Emily. I haven't read them yet.

I'm currently typing on my laptop while my MP3 is charging and Im talking to Em on my cellphone. I'm so getting radiation poisoning right now. My brain waves will be fried soon.

Here was my first response to the first email mom sent before talking with Em. I jumped to conclusions a bit. Forgive me:

"I can't believe she would ditch Chelsie. I'm even more suprised she would leave her for MARK. He has a girlfriend and didn't take Emily to prom. I have noticed Em's behavior. I think it's stress from school and feeling pushed in multiple directions. She's lost sight of what matters. She's lost and confused and empty right now. Teenage years have not been kind to her, but she will get over it eventually. She's not on drugs though. I know that much. She's just suffering from teenagerism. Though this was some pretty unexpected behavior. I'll talk to her." - Me

Mom's first response back: "thank you so much, your such a good girl, but it has hit me real hard how bad she is behaving....its breaking my heart". - Mum

"Mom's second response sent this morning: "we had an emotionally exhausting long talk last night, she said the letter was an attempt to apologze we both said she worded things in such a way that it did the opposite, but after our talk you were right, she is lost, she said people are pulling her in so many ways she just having a hard time and stressed to the max. We assured her family comes first and we love her very much and have done everything with her best interest in mind, she said she knows this and loves us too. We told her communication was a priority so this doesnt get out of hand, and she agreed we would all be open and communicate to better understand, and we told her whatever help she needs we would support her 100 percent. We are stronger and better now. Love , you" -Mom

Well the issues have been cleared up now for the most part. Em graduates on Friday so the skies are starting to look brighter now. I can't wait to see her.

Em sounds hapy now. She says there's a female elephant named Simba. Crazy.

On a personal note, I had an Iced Mocha coffee from McDonald's this morning. Never again. Coffee and I don't mix. I felt like I was on crack for an hour. My hands were shaking and I couldn't sit still. Curse thee caffeine!!!

That's all I have to say 4 now. Adios.

Our Tragedy and Truth

This was a message I recieved from my mom today at 3:34 P.M.


"I am so mad,sad, and everything in between. I dont know what has happened to the emily i have raised but she is missing and been replaced with a mean, spiteful hurtful person who i dont know. She also dumped her best friend at disneyland and took off with Mark, hurting chelsie very much. She wrote a letter basically saying things out of context and saying i was a bad mother, and left it in my makeup case for me to find while she was gone. She also believes she needs not ask me to do things for her it is basically my job and she simply doesnt have the time to show me appreciation. I cant believe she could be on drugs but the girl in this house is acting like it and the other emily i raised would never be so hurtful. Do you girls know if she is doing any? I know about the mark thing but she continues to lie to me saying she was going to break up with him and he was "headed down the wrong path". Lying is something i cant take as well. Are other friends a part of this behavior? Dean read the letter and is furious with her. We plan a talk later but i have cried so much i dont know if i have any tears left and its just left me mad as hell. The rules have always been simple and geared for learning responsibility and manners, learning to respect everything and everyone. You two turned out wonderful. But something dark has gotten ahold of em and i'm at a loss to figure it out. If you know anything helpful please let me know, i love you"



****Mom****

Wow. Where to begin.

Firstly great caution must be taken to avoid overreacting to moms overreaction. She's always exaggerating things and blowing them out of proportion so don't read that far into her words. Proceed with caution.

Secondly I do have to acknowledge that it is true my sister has fallen into a dark place in her life. Teenage years are always hard to contend with. You look in her eyes and they are empty and distant. She acts like she doesn't care about anything. She's lost hope or faith or whatever it is that sparks the life in people. I think it's due to stress of school and being pushed between two parents, especially when one tries control every aspect of her life. It's easy to give up on the future when everyone has a say in it but you. Em's lost and detached. I'm pretty sure this phase of her life is just a phase and she will pass through it and reach a greater level of existence than the one she's confined to now.

Thirdly, if Mark was at Disneyland then yes she might have left Chelsie to be with him. She probably didn't diss or abandon Chelsie, that was a mom reaction. Em loves Chelsie as I do - like a sister. She would never intentionally hurt her. Em's going through some issues with Mark right now though. She loves him, but she should move on. He has some good qualities, but he also has a lot of issues. He hurts Em when he dumps her and doesn't appreciate her, but I think it's because he wants better for her and knows he can't giver her what she needs right now. Em needs to move on.

Fourthly the letter incident was shocking, but probably justified. My guess is mom did something to push Em to that extreme, something mom was not exactly willing to share in her email since she is almost always the victim- never the person responsible.


Hang on. Getting texts from Em. I hate texting. I suck so much at it.

Em says she wrote the note in response to mom's note that she randomly placed on her bed this morning saying that Em didn't appreciate her. Well there you go. Mom failed to mention that for some reason.

Em also says the note was an apology that also happened to express some things she had been hiding and building up inside her about mom. From my personal experience, the words were probably justified.

I asked Em if we could talk since texting sucks, but she said she thought I would just yell at her. Mom's walking around the house very angry and she thinks it would be dangerous for mom to overhear our conversation. Let me just clarify: I'm not mad at Em. At this point I can almost paint mom's message to be about 23% fact -based and 77% mom leaping to conclusions of a dillusionary nature -based.

You know it really gets frustrating though when mom sends me emails like this stirring up unneccessary reactions and concerns. She's clearly crying out for attention and trying to act like she's the victim so people will pitty her. If you knew the kind of crap, lies, and manipulations this woman has pulled . . . I mean, I love her, but she has hurt me and those around her in ways that can't be seen and can only be felt deeply and with pain.

I also find it funny that mom would think Em was on drugs, for several reasons. It just shows how out of touch she is with her own daughter which is probably one of the reasons Em wrote her the letter.

Em's crying right now. It sucks being two hours away and unable to comfort her. I've been there. Em got the worst of this. Sarah and I were there for each other. All 3 of us were. We couldn't do much in the way of defense, but the support and understanding was there. All i can do for Em now is hope my texts make her feel less alone.

If this post upsets or offends anyone, especially relitves, I'm sorry. It's just a truth I've been contending with for the last 21 years of my life. Truth is truth. It's not negative, it's not positive, it just IS. People are the ones who give it meaning. I give you this truth, and pary you see it as just that. I'm not attacking my mom or her character. I'm just sharing the pain of a sibling that I know has been felt by me personally and by others. I also apologize to Em if when she finds out about this post she is upset. I think it is important though. It's a turning point in her life and years from now she'll be able to look back on this and see how far she's come.


Text from Em 5:47 P.M. : "I feel so sh%&ty. I want to swallow a knife. I apologized for being a negligent daughter and she takes it as hate mail. She's so hostile towards me".