Same Old Same New

Well, . . . not much has happened. I took my mid-terms and did o.k. I really don't want to talk about school though. I originally wanted to write blogs about issues and ideas I thought were interesting. Now, due to a lack of creativity, they've become about my day to day life. Alright, I'm strting this blog by talking about three issues that crossed my mind today . . . First was how annoyed I get at rich people on reality T.V. who always complain about the fact that some luxury in their life is missing. For example, there was a show about a rap star who "preached" about God in his songs. He's a millionaire now. His son kept breaking his gameboy and the preacher kept buying him a new one every five- minutes. It seems wrong somehow that a man who is so intouch with God and helping others reach him could have so much money. Wouldn't he want to give it to those who need it instaed of wasting it on empty luxuries? It just makes me angry.
My second thought occured while I was walking down the street this morning. My eyes were burning because it was early and somewhat dry outside. I kept thinking how inconvenient the effects of having contacts were. Then I stopped and thought about what it was like to wear glasses. I looked around and I could see everything clearly- better than most people could using their eyes alone. The details of everything around me were clear and I could see off at a fair distance. Without my contacts I'm pretty much blind. Everything around me is completely void of detail. I can "make objects out", but I can't read or see any of the finer details on them. With my glasses, i could see well, but I was always aware of the fact that I had something on my eyes to aid in my imperfection of sight. All i had to do was look to the corner of my feild of view and see the same old blurred space that lied in the world beyong my glasses. With contacts you don't even realize you have an eye problem. You can't feel or see your contacts, so there's nothing there to remind you of how you would naturally see.
My third thought was how it seems like I have several versions of "me" when I write. Sometimes I speak in an articulate, orderly way. I don't know why, but when I write like that it reminds me of an old man writing. Then there's the "me" that writes informally and sarcastically - usually to my friends. I say words like "awesomeness" and "fo sho" (for sure). I often wonder which is the right version of my true self. I'm sorry if my topics seem a little vague or incoherent. I'm partially being distracted by the television. I don't know why, but I can't turn it off. I hate the silence. It makes me feel alone and scared. At night when my sister(who sle[t in the room next to me) was late coming home from work, I would turn on the television because I was afraid of the silence and darkness. In truth I probably had nothing to fear, but at night when everything is dead quiet I only have my thoughts. My thoughts during those moments aren't exactly comforting. At first I try to distract myself by thinking about things that don't really matter at all, maybe something that happened to me earlier that day or something I had to do the bnext day. Then i would hear some noise and become absolutley still. My mind would suddenly overrun with thoughts of every terrible thing that could have possibly made that noise. Then I would try to calm myself down, "don't freak out, it's probably just a peice of paper that fell from the desk". I'd pretend to accept this explenation, but in the back of my mind I still thought of the other frightening things. It would take me about an hour to fall asleep after that, and then I would have nightmares.
I should probably go now. It's 8:45P.M. I need sleepage. My eyes are drying out and stinging. Owww they burn! But hey, at least I can see clear. Speaking of seeing things, I inevitably made a couple of spelling errors. Please forgive me.

~Jessica