So Many Things

I have so much to talk about. However I think I'll stick to one subject for now. Last weekend, which started about three days ago, actually it was last Friday. Anyway, I decided to go with my dad and Kari to pick up Emily (my 15 year old sister) from high school. Em's school, also my old high school, is two hours away. It's always hard trying to explain my family situation with people I meet for the first time . . . The important thing is the reason I spent two hours in a car to see my sister when I could have waited at home. I missed her. It's strange because I saw her quiet often over the summer and she comes to dad's every other weekend, but I still missed her. Ever since we were little Emily and I always went everywhere together. This usually wasn't by choice, but we were always near by. I can't even recall a time when I was away from her for more than a week. When I moved out of my mom's house and into my dad's, my mom told me I would miss Em a lot. I didn't really believe her because for the past couple of years we haven't spent that much time together, that I noticed. Now looking back, I spent almost every lunchtime of my senior year with Emily and our friend Chelsie. I guess I spent more time with her than I thuoght. Last Friday I knew Em was coming and I was excited. I was sort of feeling lonely and I realized how much I miss her being around. There's a recurring memory I have of the way things use to be between us and it has been haunting me now for about a week. I'll tell you about it in my next blog, but because of the memory's ferquency I just can't help but feel bad about the way I use to act around Em. I just really needed her to be there to confirm that everything was alright between us and that she's still going to be there when I need her. I hate that fact that I can't talk to her everyday. Well, maybe hates too strong a word. It bothers me that I can't talk to Em more frequently. I feel like I'm missing what's happening in her life and fifteen is a scary age to be alone. I wish I could be there for her more to help her through these times of uncertainty and confussion. At least I was there for her freshman year. That was a hard transitionn for her, as it was for me too when I was a feshman, so it was nice that I could help Emily out and watch over how she was doing. I think i sound a little over- protective. I guess I'm just trying to compensate for all the years I was never there for her and gave her a hard time.
(Picture: Mi Hermana, Ma Soeur)

~Jessica