Writing Back

Sorry I haven't written in a while. I seem to be doing that a lot lately. Much has happened within the last cuople weeks. For starters Sarah celebrated her 19th Birthday. Hurrah! Another thing that happened is that we now have 2 Rhilander rabbits. They're a boy and a girl and they are cute. We went to Safari West last weekend and afterword we picked up the rabbits. Some more things that happened: Aunt Carol and Grandma Jean left today for Africa. They're going on a real Safari! They'll be back in 3 weeks. Let's see, what else happened, . . . oh yah, more family tension (mostly between Dad and Kari). I thought I had escaped all the yelling and arguing. (I also thuoght I escaped all the rabbit obssession, but Kari is pretty into the rabbits now). Dad is upset because Trevor wants to move back in and Kari says it's o.k. Trev is 22. Personally I would love to have Trev move in. I haven't seen him in a while and he's always fun to hangout with. Dad is worried that Trev will never learn to live on his own though. Then Kari started saying that I should find a job. I have no problem having a job, I just don't know what job I want or how to find it. So Dad is upset with Kari and Kari is upset with dad. And both are still upset by my mom. Drama, drama, drama . . . I hate it. I just want to live a peaceful life. I'm stressed out enough with school work I don't need to have all this tension hanging over my head. Errrgggg. I think I've been taking it out on the pets. I would never hit a dog, or the cat, but I have yelled a lot more at them. They get in my way and wake me up early in the morning and so I yell at them. I use to vent my frustration in productive ways like art and listening to music. I haven't done art in about 2 monthes. I did a little drawing today on my notebook and that was it. I miss my art. I want to start painting and doing collages again. Oh art, . . . where for art though? American Idol is on. Why do they spend so much time going into the backgrounds of people who can't sing? They build up these people's characters and make them seem so cool, and then when they sing, . . . it's lame. And now they just kicked off a girl who I thought sang just fine. They said she didn't sound unique. How can anyone on the show sound unique when they're singing songs written and sung by other people first? It doesn't really matter anyway. In the end people will vote for the most popular, not the most talented. Then they'll wonder why the person they voted for isn't selling any albums and all the people who came in 2nd and 3rd place have sold thousands of their CDs. Oig.
Here's something else that's new: I've been reading the Bible. Well, actually the Hebrew Bible or Old Testement so far. It's for a Religious class I'm taking. There was a girl I knew once who said that after she read the Bible she lost her faith in God. I am begging to understand why. I had an idea of what the Bible meant and what Heaven, Hell, and Earth meant. But now, after reading it all, I wonder questions like, Why was God so cruel to a faithful people?, Are there really such things as angels?, is God around anymore and if so why has no one added to the Bible?, Will there ever be another Abraham, Moses, or Jesus?, Can God hear me? If God can hear me will I be damned for doubting him? A religious man once said that the Bible was perfect, infallible, and correct in every way. He said that anyone who doubted the Bible would go to Hell. You can't doubt the Bible because to doubt the Bible's words is to doubt God. But after reading the Bible I see there is no way that is is completely accurate. It is mostly narrative stories and myths that teach morals, lessons, and laws of that religion. I still belive there is a God, but I'm scared of my questions.
Today was Kari and Dad's anniversary. They've been married for 3 or 4 years now. They went out to dinner and just came home an hour ago. Now Kari is gone - I don't know where she went- probably to get away from dad. And dad is moping around the house. Not exactly a blissful anniversary. Dad was talking about the fact that we might have to move back to our old house. I've moved most of my life, but I don't want to move right now. i like being settled. Next year I'm probably going to move out anyway. I think I want my own place. I want to stay here with my family and dad, but I'm going to leave if things continue to get dark and ugly again. I don't need this in my life. Nobody does. I've never prayed before, but I pray God keeps Kari and dad together and makes them happy again. I've seen them so happy togther before and when I see them like this now, I wonder why. You'd think people would hang on to happyness as hard as they can. But instead they let it slip through their hands when they get consumed by . . . what is this? It's not as strong as hate. It's dipped in tension. I'd call it drama, but it's deeper than that. What's a word I can use for this thing that has distracted Kari, Dad, my mom, and now me from the happyness we would otherwise possess? For lack of a better word, I'll call it pain. Because that's what it is to me. Senseless pain.
So, in the end, things have changed. What else is new?