JAWS

When I was young I had the unfortunate misfortune of seeing the movie JAWS. It scarred me for life. Ever since, I’ve been afraid of Great White Sharks. But even as a kid I decided I didn’t want to tolerate my fear, I wanted to overcome it. That’s why when I was in elementary school when I would go to the library I would look up as many books on sharks as I could. I figured that if I understood more about great whites I would be less afraid of them. I was wrong. I found out facts like: Great Whites are the largest predatory shark – reaching a length of more than 20 ft. and a weight of 7,000 lbs, it’s the only shark that regularly attacks and eats warm-blooded animals, and adults have broad, serrated teeth up to 3 inches long for slicing chunks out of large-bodied, thick-skinned prey. For some reason, that did not help me overcome my fear.

Then when I was 8 my dad took me to Universal Studios which at the time I did not know was connected to the movie JAWS. I was having a good time wandering around, looking at the rides, eating cotton candy… Then out of nowhere some guy dressed up as Woody the Woodpecker came up to me and rubbed the top of my head really fast and said, “How you doin’ kiddo?” I was thinking, “Not so great after the whiplash you just gave me…” Apparently I was spoiled by Sesame Street and just assumed big birds give hugs not head trauma.

After my run-in with Woody the Woodpecker a tram pulled up and my dad asked if I wanted to get on it. I said yes and we soon found our seats on the moving car. The tour guide picked up a mike and said, “Good evening ladies and gentleman. Today we’re going to see a lot of exciting things! We’re going to see the set of The Truman Show, we’re going to see Norman Bates’ house, we’re going to visit King Kong, and we’re going to see JAWS. I had a miniature panic attack after those last words were uttered. I turned to my dad and started shaking his arm telling him fervently we needed to get off the ride. “The ride can’t stop it’s on a track,” he said sympathetically. At that point I was debating jumping off the moving car. Instead I put my hands over my ears, ducked my head, and shut my eyes. It was a standard safety position. My dad tried to make me look at things during the ride. “Hey look there’s Norman Bates’ house!” “I don’t care,” I replied. “Hey look there’s King Kong!” “Tell the monkey I said hi, I don’t care,” I replied again. I even kept my head down after we passed the JAWS portion of the ride. I didn’t trust it. That shark’s known for jumping out unexpectedly.

After my traumatic experience with the tram ride, I decided that maybe reading the book would help me overcome my fear –or at least help me figure out which parts to look away at. I was 13 at the time and I figured I was mature enough to handle it. I was wrong. Very very wrong. As it turns out the movie JAWS is rated PG, but the book JAWS is rated R. The book is more graphic than the movie…a Movie!

When I was 18 I then decided it was time to watch the film. I had my friend Maggie over to help tell me which parts to look away at since she had seen the film before. She missed a few…But I did manage to watch about 60% of the movie while successfully avoiding most of the frightening scenes involving the shark popping out of the water and that cage scene at the end.

Then I came up with a brilliant idea to overcome my fear of sharks. I decided the only way to stop being afraid of great whites was to become one with the shark. I thusly proceeded to buy the XBOX game JAWS Unleashed. I was nervous playing the shark at first, but then quickly started to empathize with this humble man-eating creature. You don’t know how much sharks have to go through. I remember one level I had to swim into a bay I then couldn’t escape from. I was exploring the area when I came across a sunken submarine (I didn’t do it…). Beside the ship were several large torpedoes I could move around. Then out of nowhere a boat pulled up above me and 8 divers jumped into the water and started shooting me with harpoon machine guns. I died… several times. Then I finally figured out how to maneuver around them. But I was lost and I didn’t know what to do in the game. I don’t know how the shark would have figured it all out on his own –unless he was one of those sharks from Deep Blue Sea that was enlarged so its rain would be a bigger size and he was then able to figure the level out. I had to consult Google. I found out I was suppose to carry a torpedo in my mouth over to a tower. The tower had 4 legs it was on and I had o torpedo each one until the tower fell. At the top of the tower was a harpoon machine gun that fired relentlessly. I died many times… Then after I finally defeated the evil tower I looked over and realized there was another one on the other side of the bay. Dangz it… After that tower was destroyed I was again confused on what to do. After re-consulting Google I found an underwater grate I had to headbutt. I then went through a vent to a power generator where I had to launch more torpedoes to break it so a draw bridge could go down so I could go back out into the bay. Once there, a Titanic- sized ship came out and started harpooning me into oblivion. I think rocket launchers may also have been involved. I then had to torpedo the boat until it sank. It’s not easy being a shark.

At age 19 I decided I was finally ready to revisit the tram ride at Universal Studios. I was nervous, but ready to face my fear. When we finally reached the JAWS portion of the ride I braced myself. Suddenly the shark jumped out and leapt like air jaws up and down like a stone being tossed across the surface of a pond. It was hilarious. Some people on the ride kept saying how it was so much more frightening than before. Hilarious. And that is how I overcame my fear of the tram ride at Universal Studios. Not great whites though… baby steps. Right now I just embrace my fear and make fun of myself for it… as do many of my friends. I guess sometimes the best way to get over your fear is to accept it and not let it define you.