parents
Jessica Assignment #1
Pg. 327 #2
4/09/07
In Response to “The Myth of Co- Parenting: How It Was Supposed to Be. How It Was.” By Hope Edelman
Discussion and Writing Question # 2: Describe the Parenting roles played by your own parents when you were growing up. How much of the parenting did your mother perform? Your father? What were your feelings about this parenting arrangement then, and what are your feelings now? How likely is it that your parents’ example will affect your own expectations of your husband or wife, when you are married and attempting to divide household responsibilities between yourself and your spouse?
My earliest memories of my parents together are short and random. They come in clips in fragments. But the memories themselves clearly show my mother and father fighting and yelling at each other. They usually ended with my mom crying in my room and my dad trying to comfort her. It was pretty clear from the beginning that our family had issues and would probably not last for long.
My parents divorced when I was four. My mom got primary custody of my sister Emily and me. My sister and I got to see our father every other weekend. This pattern continued for me until last year when I graduated high school. My sister Emily, who is 16, still continues to see my father every other weekend and will do so until she graduates in two years. Because of this situation, my mom has always been the primary parent responsible for my upbringing. My mom cooked, cleaned, did laundry, took us to school, dressed us in the mornings, and maintained a full time job. When we got out of school, our grandmother would pick us up and watch us until our mom was done with work. Our grandma fed us snacks and made sure we did our homework. For a while, mom played the role of mother and father. When we would visit dad every weekend, he only had to take care of us for two days. He would feed us and put us to bed, but otherwise we took care of ourselves. It’s not to say that dad wasn’t a good father to us over the years; it’s just that he we didn’t see him enough for him to fulfill that role completely.
Looking back at all the years, I feel like this arrangement caused more harm than good. My dad missed huge chunks of my life, and I know there was nothing he or I could have done to change it. It also wasn’t fair to my mom who had to work twice as hard to fill both roles to make. The only real good that came out of it was the fact that eventually both my parents got remarried to great people who helped carry the load of parenting.
I think my parent’s marriage and divorce has deeply affected my expectations for marriage. I don’t think that the stereotypical roles of husband and wife are what separated my parents. However, as Hope Edelman clearly shows in her story “The Myth of Co- Parenting: How It Was Supposed to Be. How It Was”, not addressing issues of housework and parenting roles can create tension and resentment between husband and wife. If the issue is not addressed, it can then drive a couple apart and lead to divorce. When a new couple marries they should decide early on who should be responsible for housework and taking care of the home. Both of my parents share the work well with their new spouses. My mom and my step-dad Dean both work and take care of the household chores. They each cook the food and clean the dishes. My dad and my step-mom Kari both share work and share household chores. My dad usually waters the plants and takes care of fixing the house. Kari usually cleans and does laundry. Although Kari does more of the “woman’s” work, dad helps out when it’s inconvenient for her or when it’s more convenient for him. And it may seem like dad does more of the “husband’s” work by fixing the house, but that’s mostly because Kari’s not good with tools or maintenance and she’s happy that dad’s there to take care of it. No one should be forced into roles they will later detest. A compromise should be made over what work should be done early in the marriage. That way, no feels like they’re being thrown into a role they dislike or can’t handle.
Pg. 327 #2
4/09/07
In Response to “The Myth of Co- Parenting: How It Was Supposed to Be. How It Was.” By Hope Edelman
Discussion and Writing Question # 2: Describe the Parenting roles played by your own parents when you were growing up. How much of the parenting did your mother perform? Your father? What were your feelings about this parenting arrangement then, and what are your feelings now? How likely is it that your parents’ example will affect your own expectations of your husband or wife, when you are married and attempting to divide household responsibilities between yourself and your spouse?
My earliest memories of my parents together are short and random. They come in clips in fragments. But the memories themselves clearly show my mother and father fighting and yelling at each other. They usually ended with my mom crying in my room and my dad trying to comfort her. It was pretty clear from the beginning that our family had issues and would probably not last for long.
My parents divorced when I was four. My mom got primary custody of my sister Emily and me. My sister and I got to see our father every other weekend. This pattern continued for me until last year when I graduated high school. My sister Emily, who is 16, still continues to see my father every other weekend and will do so until she graduates in two years. Because of this situation, my mom has always been the primary parent responsible for my upbringing. My mom cooked, cleaned, did laundry, took us to school, dressed us in the mornings, and maintained a full time job. When we got out of school, our grandmother would pick us up and watch us until our mom was done with work. Our grandma fed us snacks and made sure we did our homework. For a while, mom played the role of mother and father. When we would visit dad every weekend, he only had to take care of us for two days. He would feed us and put us to bed, but otherwise we took care of ourselves. It’s not to say that dad wasn’t a good father to us over the years; it’s just that he we didn’t see him enough for him to fulfill that role completely.
Looking back at all the years, I feel like this arrangement caused more harm than good. My dad missed huge chunks of my life, and I know there was nothing he or I could have done to change it. It also wasn’t fair to my mom who had to work twice as hard to fill both roles to make. The only real good that came out of it was the fact that eventually both my parents got remarried to great people who helped carry the load of parenting.
I think my parent’s marriage and divorce has deeply affected my expectations for marriage. I don’t think that the stereotypical roles of husband and wife are what separated my parents. However, as Hope Edelman clearly shows in her story “The Myth of Co- Parenting: How It Was Supposed to Be. How It Was”, not addressing issues of housework and parenting roles can create tension and resentment between husband and wife. If the issue is not addressed, it can then drive a couple apart and lead to divorce. When a new couple marries they should decide early on who should be responsible for housework and taking care of the home. Both of my parents share the work well with their new spouses. My mom and my step-dad Dean both work and take care of the household chores. They each cook the food and clean the dishes. My dad and my step-mom Kari both share work and share household chores. My dad usually waters the plants and takes care of fixing the house. Kari usually cleans and does laundry. Although Kari does more of the “woman’s” work, dad helps out when it’s inconvenient for her or when it’s more convenient for him. And it may seem like dad does more of the “husband’s” work by fixing the house, but that’s mostly because Kari’s not good with tools or maintenance and she’s happy that dad’s there to take care of it. No one should be forced into roles they will later detest. A compromise should be made over what work should be done early in the marriage. That way, no feels like they’re being thrown into a role they dislike or can’t handle.
posted by Jessica at
12:53 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home